Does being a mum ever get easier?

I know it’s a question I asked myself repeatedly when my kids were tiny – does being a mum ever get easier?? WHEN?!

A couple of weekends ago,  our girls (seven and ten) were playing with the Lego they got for Christmas and my husband and I left them in the kitchen, took our cups of tea with us into the living room and sat down. We chatted about whatever we chatted about, drank our cups of tea and then carried on with the day.

Until you have children you will never understand how wonderful it was to be able to sit down and not be needed for that ten minutes that we had. When they are tiny it is RELENTLESS.

I was so happy in some ways with tiny people but I was also exhausted, overwhelmed, run down, touched out, the list goes on and on and on. It was f*&king hard!

@notsosmugnow posted on Instagram the other day talking about how life gets easier as the kids get bigger and it made me think a lot about the bullshit messages that mums get sent.

LOOKING BACK

I have the strongest memory of being in a cafe when my oldest was about 18 months. We were having a lovely time, playing and eating cake, but I was lonely and tired and I couldn’t wait for it to get easier. And an old lady told me that this is the best it gets, that it never gets easier and I should appreciate every moment.

And another time I was at a checkout with both kids and the guy serving said “you look tired” and I just burst into tears. I WAS TIRED. So goddam tired and it felt like it would never end. Especially when all around me people were telling me it was the best time of my life and it was never going to change, they were only going to get older and start to resent me and my whole future was bleak!!

I wish I could give that version of myself a hug and tell her that one day you will have time to yourself again. That one day they will sleep and if you’re feeling overwhelmed you’ll be able to stick a movie on to give yourself a couple of hours of space. That one day you’ll be able to exercise regularly again, eat well, see your friends, read books, be able to really focus on work, be able to go out for the day without guilt because they’ve got their own little lives to lead.

I wish I could tell her that you are doing a great job and one day you will be so proud of both of them and will look back and see that you are a good mum and aren’t failing like you think you are.

Growing up

Of course at all stages of motherhood come with their own challenges (this morning my seven year old had a melt down as we were about to leave the house for school and it really rattled me and has left me a little drained for the rest of the day tbh) but I don’t know why people glorify those early years and don’t talk about the wonder of seeing them grow up. I absolutely love seeing the people they are becoming, seeing their confidence grow, watching my their friendships bloom, sharing new experiences with them, having days out that are fun from beginning to end instead of having to worry about naps and tantrums and carrying a massive bag around.

I do miss them being tiny sometimes but to all the mums of little ones IT DOES GET EASIER.

If you are a new mum and would like some support and community, check out my postnatal classes where you can bring your baby but have a little time for yourself too.